Relationship Wingman

Geplaatst op 08-02-2023

Categorie: Huis, tuin en wonen

Wingman- A Scientific Basis

Why is meeting women online so much easier with a wingman? I’m not talking about having someone to jump on the grenade or deal with distractions; even for a girl by herself on an easy approach, having a buddy close at hand is hugely comforting.

I noticed this trend during my wild Army days. A dozen or so of us would all arrive at the club together, all having a great time (ie building state). We’d spend the initial 20 minutes or so together as a group, getting comfortable and pumping each other up even more. After that warmup period, however, the crew would inevitably split off into hunter/killer teams in an attempt to meet women. My primary wing El Montaño and I even had a name for it: D&C (Divide and Conquer). We would walk through the club with our heads on a swivel for likely targets. Once I found something decent, we’d move in.

Here’s the crazy part: it didn’t matter how great a state I was in or how intoxicated I was, when I saw a girl I wanted to talk to I felt like I needed a wingman for support. This was true even if she was alone.

I first noticed this tendency one night after getting shot down by some girls El Montano and I had approached. His girl sucked so he bounced early, but mine seemed into me. Well, for about 10 minutes at least. Once I realized it was going nowhere, I ejected and started prospecting. 10 seconds later my eyes fell on a hot blond standing off to the side, clearly the third wheel to her friend getting hit on, and she was bored with the whole situation. It was a perfect opportunity…but I froze. I scanned the crowd for a buddy to back me up, but they were all downstairs. For some reason, I convinced myself that it would only take a minute to find myself a wingman. I went downstairs for about 5 minutes, but that was all it took; the blond was gone.

“WTF?!” I berated myself. “I’m a champion! I do this all the time!” I couldn’t believe I had blown a perfect opportunity because I didn’t have a wingman I didn’t even need.

I want to say I had a brilliant flash of insight right then and there, but like most of my ideas, this one percolated in my head for a lonnnnng time before some magic brain connection genie hit. For me, the insight came when I made a connection between my need for wingman support and a study I read about in college.

In this study, conformity to majority opinion was tested. Individuals were given a visual exam in a group setting with answers voiced publically. However, all the individuals but the one participant were told to give the same incorrect answer. What they found was that the person not “in” on the scheme would cave to the pressure of being the odd man out and start giving the majority opinion, even if that person knew it was an incorrect answer.

Obviously, this is a powerful dynamic at play. The interesting part to me, however, was not the tendency toward conformity; it was the fact that if the participant had even one other person voicing the same answer, he would not conform to giving the majority opinion.


Approaching women is hard. There’s a ton of sexual tension and social pressure you have to overcome to do it. What this study suggests is that if you can get one person to back you up, ie support you in your desire to meet women, then you are MUCH more likely to stand strong against any pressure you face.

So have a wingman, if just for moral support.